Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
