Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
