a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
