yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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