I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Randomize
