Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
