She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
