I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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