I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
