I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
