Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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