I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
