Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
