i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
