I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
