My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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