Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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