Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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