That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
