Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
