Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
