He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize