i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
