no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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