HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
