wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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