i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
