so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
