She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
