My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
