the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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