U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got chris browned last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
