I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
