I wish I could punch you in the face.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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