My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
