I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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