alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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