Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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