You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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