She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
