Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
