is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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