I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
