Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
