I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
try to milk me bitch
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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