he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
