no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
