Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
