she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
