He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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