This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
