I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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