Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
