I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Success! We fucked roommates!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
