Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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