the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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