oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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