you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
