Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
