I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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