you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
