The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
