i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
