I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
