so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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