when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
