I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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