at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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