Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
