So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
